Wednesday, 6 May 2009

The Hyacinth Girl

It is like this that you walked through my body once: ruthlessly, with the pale concentration of the archer who draws the bow and aims at the already bloodless deer.

The god's lover was punished because he was too beautiful, the ancient say. It is unwise to yearn for too much, I hear this from centuries' mouth. Oh tell me, you whose dark face dwells in the seeds of my grapes, is it because of a strange abundance, a similar over measure of my caged being that I am silenced now at the bottom of this troubled sea of memory?

Was my hair too long?
Was my skin too soft

or my will too strong?

Were my breasts too firm?

Were my nets too heavy?

Were my eyes too green?

Was my heart too misty?

Was my hunger too wild?

Was my mind too bright?

Was my tongue too sharp?

Were my bangles too round?

Was my waist too fickle

or my rain too drunk?

Before with muddy steps you walk out of this poem into the night, turn around, just this once. Dip your fingers through the thousand miles of useless words and pull me out to the surface, once more. Unshell my fragrance for the last time. Hyacinth will grow out of every touch, like spears through my spring.


  1. i very much doubt it was your intent but i can't look at these without the following leaping to mind!

    He foresaw his pale body reclined in it at full, naked, in a womb of warmth, oiled by scented melting soap, softly laved. He saw his trunk and limbs riprippled over and sustained, buoyed lightly upward, lemonyyellow: his navel, bud of flesh: and saw the dark tangled curls of his bush floating, floating hair of the stream around the limp father of thousands, a languid floating flower.

  2. .. feel much thirsty.. with a strong desire to drink the whole water she soaked in.. marvelous..

  3. Bonjour Roxana; et bien le corps s &ouvre dans la poétique couleurs très jolie qu’on fait à propos de l’irrésistible façon de présenté son humeur du jour ; il y a sentir cette ombres de lumière dans le voyage des significations exotiques . Ici j’ai chaud pour le corps massage avec de huile parfumer des senteurs mélange de leurs tradition ; spa de relaxation méthode par la culture de l’homo aequalis.

  4. ahhh no, swiss, i hadn't thought of that :-)

    and this reminds me of another description, the best romanian novelist of nowadays writes in his diary how he likes to soak in the bathtub with his hair all floating around him - i've always suspected he wants to create his own personal myth as a neo-romantic writer, this sells much better :-)

    actually i had imagined this to be a 'feminine' fantasy, but it is also true that he is obsessed with androgyny:

    but it was my intention to refer to Hyacinthus in the greek mythology, i think it's pretty obvious - you must have contaminated me with your mythological poems :-)
    (and second part comes tonight :-)

  5. salut Allan!!!
    comme c'est beau ce que tu dis la, cette ouverture du corps dans la poetique!

    mais tu me rends completement jalouse quand tu parles de spa et de massage avec de l'huile parfumee non, arrete, s'il te plait :-) je ne peux pas resister a cette tentation! quand j'etais au japon j'aimais aller dans les onsen, une sorte de bains publiques de luxe, en air libre, tu connais?

  6. Peter, this would probably do you good, to wake you up from your drunken state, since it's not only water but actually a very bitter herbs and flowers infusion with sea salt and tea tree oil drops on top of that!

  7. Je suis éblouie par tes clichés, les couleurs, la douceur, la sublimation de la fleur et de la beauté. Merci, ton "jardin" photographique et littéraire est merveilleux.

  8. c'est tres emouvant ce que tu dis, claire source, et tu sais que je ne peux pas regarder mes photos de fleurs sans penser a toi et a l'amour que nous partageons!

    merci, vraiment, de tout coeur...

  9. I love the insinuation of regeneration from the (possibly) lifeless. Do you have Photoshop to desaturate your skin? I'm thinking of your eyes here:

  10. gods punish by fulfilling the wishes, not by leaving the longings ;)

    otherwise, pictures are lovely, especially 1,2,6,7 (beat my hiacinth of this year easily)

  11. Hi, Mr. Decoys, such a lovely surprise to hear from you again! the possibly lifeless - you mean a kind of Ophelia reference? this wouldn't be too far away, i'm afraid i have been a constant victim of the Ophelia obsession ever since i first encountered it.

    i use Photoshop and Lightroom, but now that you ask i think that 3 or 7 are a pretty accurate rendition of my real skin colour, i am unfortunately very pale - and wished all my life to have had darker skin :-)

    no, those are not my eyes, but of somebody i love very much. i don't think i have a picture with my eyes on this blog, otherwise i would shown it to you.

  12. oh no, Eneles, there are gods and gods. Hyacinthus was clearly killed by one of them out of jealousy, or so the legend goes.

    but i am happy that you like my pictures and that you tell me that :-) if what you say it is true and they beat your hyacinth, it may be because you photographed it in its natural habitat and not floating around some misty thighs? of course i am just joking, i think it must be the charm of the Portra 400, old film still beats digital :-P especially when it comes to subtle colours...

    (but i doubt it anyway)

  13. you doubt everything. but while I may not always be true - I never flatter, nothing is more useless

    there is a certain lack of thighs indeed, and grass just doesn't cut it.

    using stolen bird i settled here at abirratio, but there are no flowers - only b/w

  14. but Eneles, isn't it wiser to doubt everything? history (and recent one too) almost always shows that the doubtful ones are right to doubt.

    i hadn't imagined for a moment that you would flatter, no :-) my doubt was only whether i would have the same opinion - i would most certainly disagree with you and think that your hyacinth is still better than mine :-) if i had the privilege to see it of course.
    (and no, this is not flatter, even if i indulge in this bad habit sometimes :-)

    i don't understand the last sentence, especially the word abirratio.

  15. love the first and third particularly, though there's a sense of death in the third one.

  16. All beautiful, but I love the first three pictures especially --- they have the edge of grief from the myth....

    And these lines:

    "Was my waist too fickle
    or my rain too drunk?"

    A surprising use of language, which immediately reveals itself as true and inevitable (as real poetry must)....

  17. Sorlil, the third one? i would have thought it has more life than others, suggesting movement...

    but it is interesting that you think about death, as Decoys did it too - it hasn't occurred to me, you know - because i was so deeply lost in the action of enjoying the water and the flowers, i couldn't see this from the outside at all...

    at least in this series, the next one is much more violent

  18. James, since you declare it with such boldness, and coming from you, what can i do except bow and accept (but i am chuckling all along, ha, "real poetry"! :-)


  19. imi pare bine ca ma lauzi, Marius :-)

  20. Ce frumos te mai joci!e frumoasa si seria in culori mai saturate,dar eu le prefer pe astea mai pastelate,sunt asa sensibile...:)

  21. Je n'ai pas de mots.... incroyable, superbe, wow!!!tu réinvente la photographie ton art est sublime!

  22. there are different views on this subject, i prefer to be fooled than to distrust ;)

    i meant that i registered here hoping it would free me from typing absurd words every time (it didn't) and set up a blog here ;) but I seem to already be bored with it, just like with previous one ;)

  23. edith :-)
    da, imi place sa ma joc asa, chiar atunci cand nu am aparatul cu mine - adica nu-l am mai niciodata, e doar asa o placere pe care o am de mica, sa ma balacesc in chestii colorate si parfumate :-)

  24. oh omami, tu me fais rougir!!! non, je ne merite pas ces louanges, mais je t'en remercie de tout coeur!!! tu me combles de joie...

  25. Eneles, i know what you mean. actually i am the same when it comes to people, i prefer to trust them no matter if i am fooled later - but not when it comes to me :-) there i always doubt everything :-)

    I saw that you registered but also that your profile is unavailable. why would you want to make a blog here? and yes, those letters are horrible, if you know a way to disable them, do tell me please. and why would you be bored with the previous blog? or is it general spring asthenia? well, soon comes summer and you will be free and travel and enjoy - then Paris!!!! - you will start a whole new life and you will be floating all day and night and not even have time to remember your name :-)

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    (women floating in bathtub all the time need geek friends)

    my memory is still very good ;) but maybe i will forget where the north is?

    asthenia? no, according to Zung test it is moderate depression, but i didn't find the test very cheerful either ;)

  27. thanks :-)

    yes, i have always thought that a garden full of geek friends would be more useful than a garden of flowers :-)

    your memory is "still" very good, you say, but "still" is the key, and then wait, you are not in Paris yet!

    i scored 57 in that bloody test, i should head directly to a physician, they say, oh the hell with those tests :-)

  28. OH

    now i understand abirratio, Eneles, good that you sent me to my dashboard!


    why did you do that?

    speechless now.

  29. in paris I will be very soon, for a visit, just to break down that I cannot rent anything decent and have to live god-knows-where (where did all the dream about roof-top appartments go?)

    no particular reason, so pick your own (women always do) ;)

  30. I am missing so very much a lover, a muse this morning. Every word within this, echoes me in a way I could never hope to express. It hurts to read this, and it should.

  31. Eneles, worrying about a 'decent' appartment when you get to be in Paris - pffft, bourgeois at his best! :-)

    i would worry about something else, a friend who had lived in Paris told me once - sorry, he was german so i guess i should tell this in german: von nun an kann alles nur abwaerts gehen :-)
    (after living in Paris, from now on everything can go only downwards)

    but perhaps this is true in all fields, if one managed to get the 'top' once, then one can only expect the 'downwards' from there :-)

    and that is why i say that hierarchical thought is a waste of time, just go with the difference :-)

  32. oh S., i am sorry to hear that - and i don't know what to say, i guess i should be happy that my little post has touched you in this incredible way, but then - it makes me sad too... i don't know? but if you say 'it should' - then it was perhaps a good thing? can i hope that?

  33. hey roxana....sorry for depriving you of my presence so long, I've been under the weather a bit... but these pictures are so sensous and rich in their colors and textures (and such big feet you have - if that's you - certainly won't qualify for a imperial courtesan in old china...). i doubt very much though if i could be persuaded to click pictures if I was similarly submerged in this redolent bath full of nature's essences. is this the doom of the photographer then - the need to constantly capture; 'sacrificing' the continuity of the moment for the sake of posterity...or maybe, for those so inclined, it merely heightens the moment...(and grrr... this is the second time i'm typing this msg... it better except this time 'round)

  34. and another thing - I was thinking exactly in the lines of the greek myth too when i was reading the posts...

  35. hi there zuma, yes i have wondered why you would send two almost identical messages but then i decided to post this one, which includes this extra line: 'sorry for depriving you of my presence so long' - indeed, deprivation! (i had typed 'depravation' but something seemed wrong :-), luckily i have discovered it soon enough)

    so yes, i thought you had forgotten about me but i was firmly decided not to fret as somebody always complains about it - but patiently wait for a miracle :-)

    and NO my feet are not big - but even if they were I wouldn't have any trouble in confessing it, i've got many weird dreams in my life but candidating for an imperial chinese courtesan job is surely not one of them :-)
    have you ever heard of water modifying the perspective, and even more so when one uses a lens? :-)

    and i guess one can talk about the doom of the photographer yes - but in this case only a small one, since i enjoy such bath soaking quite often, and i only rarely take pictures there - hard to believe but true :-)

  36. what do you mean: exactly in the lines of the greek myth too when i was reading the posts... you mean, thinking that about me or about yourself? :-P