Wednesday, 20 May 2009

the death of the lilac goddess

i am in my mother’s garden, filled with lilac bushes. is there a word for the childhood hidden in lilac dew? no, there is none. instead, i look for heavy branches to put them in those improbable vases of mine, to find the unique configuration of a space inhabited by an abundance of flowers and yet empty at the same time.

i cut my finger. i put my finger in my mouth and lick that one drop of blood. in the other time, the possible time that was once the real time, out of the blood drop a small boy would have been born. the small boy would have jumped in his small boat and gone out to find the small girl dancing on the tip of my tongue, her breasts white as milk and her teeth sparkling with laughter. holding their hands, they would have climbed the lilac bush and at their marriage celebration they would have drunk the dew out of a thousand lilac blossoms. a thousand lilac worlds would have been born, rotating in each pore of my skin, a lilac sun hanging at the centre of their thousand lilac skies.

but this time is not the time. it is only the time of my mortal breath and lilac is only a word tumbling down my tongue. i turn around and go inside, my arms full of flowers, my hair wet with dew, and each step is small as that of one who walks at a funeral.

(a small gift for Manuela, not unrelated, i think, to my post, how wonderfully she talks about the feminine time and the goddess of love...)


  1. I don't understand...was that little boy born inside your mouth or did he fall to the ground?

    I really like the first photo-apart from those bloody lilacs! :-)

    Keep well,


  2. I am thinking on what will be the least minimum denominator for people to start a real conversation. flattery works sometimes easily.. intellectual pretention works quite effectively in some cases.. charming appearance works irresistably but unilateral in most cases.. maybe.. monologue to monologue approach might work as well!! Talking to herself vs Talking to Himself.. might be another way of decent communication..

    stay in peace..

  3. "those moments whose truth can only be told by poetry" - i love her! and her voice, she has an amazing voice.

  4. thank you for the gift! no, i don't think it's unrelated, to your post or your work - i've always felt that your photos and sensibility are essential-ly feminine (which also reminds me of a previous conversation :)

    feminine - holding a 'sense of becoming', as she says, and i will add, a sense of hope, though i know sometimes you're surprised that i think so. but just holding the sense of becoming is to hold hope, don't you think?

  5. and not to take over the comment section, but i LOVED your story and its world!

  6. A treia e superba!!Imi place cromatica asta restransa si ce frumos e contrastul dintre liliacul palit,asa moale si granulatia zidului, aspra...atmosfera e asa frumoasa si lumina, pare a fi dintr-o curte interioara, racoroasa si linistita,asa simt eu...

  7. j'adore la poésie incroyable de ton blog.Une belle découverte

  8. Mais tu es en France Roxana dans le Sud vu le lilas , magnifique cette maison probablement une ancienne demeure comme les maisons en Provence dans tellement de parfum , que tu es figer sur place par cette beauté venu des temps surement très poétique, tu fait rêver les gens et cela vaut un bon remontant .

  9. Earth to Mars...

  10. thank you dear dear all, i am sorry, i've been away from the internet these days, i will try to catch up with your blogs as soon as i can :-) another two or three full days and then I can hopefully relax... a bit tired...

    b, how come you need help with understanding founding myths, i thought this world and this time were yours from the beginning :-)

    hi! :-)

    Peter, ca va? :-) i have to confess i don't understand what you mean - or why you write this here, what is the connection to my post? od yes i know - the best way of starting a real conversation is to offer a big breathtaking lilac bouquet :-)

    ah Manu!!!!! i was so sure you would love her - yes, the voice, and how she speaks, and what she says - there is something magical about it... i am so happy that you enjoyed my little gift :-)
    (it's a delight to get 3 comments from you one after another :-), no fear of taking over)

    Edith, ce frumos ai scris... si vezi, zici ca nu te pricepi la cuvinte... ma bucur asa de mult ca ti-au placut... eram cam nervoasa dupa ce am vazut liliacul tau, sa stii, multumesc ca mi-ai redat increderea :-)
    (e din curtea vecinilor, de fapt :-) nu e interioara, dar ma rog)

    10fraction, merci beaucoup pour ta visite et ton appreciation, je vais venir voir tes photos bientot :-)

    Allan!!! une nouvelle photo pour ton profile (comment est-ce qu'on dit userpic en francais?) j'aime beaucoup, mieux que la premiere! :-)
    non, ce n'est pas la Provence, c'est Craiova, ma ville natale, dans la cour de mes voisins (au fait, les voisins de mes parents, moi malheuresement j'habite un batiment communiste, tres moche) - mais c'est toujours le Sud, tu sais... on a 40 plus toute l'ete :-)

    anonymous, are you implying that i took my lilac pictures on Mars? :-)

  11. Well,well, well now... she reappears!

    "This" time, "this" world, is nothing without the mythical one.

    "From the beginning". Yes. But not now!Once one says "mythical" isn't one only remembering it? Those who are in wonder do not know they are in wonder...but knowing isn't everything!

    hi ! :-)


  12. what a surprise obsession with maya ;) one has to mention, on a true bourgois note I have to mention that she spent all money on tahiti and died of hunger thereafter, plunging american cinema in pure mainstream that it still cannot recover from

    how was your trip?

  13. Perfection. In every syllable.

  14. Salut Roxana.

    Plus je regarde tes fotos et plus
    Je pense et m'aperçois que tu aurais peu être une Peintre...à travers tes œuvres la vie est belle merci!!!

  15. I love the sensuality of your words! And especially this line, "but this time is not the time."

    knowing this, we nonetheless are awake to the blossoming of the inner thing; so beautiful of you.

  16. b, hi!!!!! :-)

    now she reappears again :-) with not much to say, except a big smiling hi :-)

    if you don't mind that?

  17. Eneles :-)

    your 'bourgeois notes' have always been a delight...

    but i thought you would tell me about your trips, who could stand the charm of some truly bourgeois carnets de voyage :-)

  18. my dear dark-an-mysterious S., what could i say?

    a humble 'thank you'.

  19. Marc. :-) merci, vraiment -

    au fait, j'aimais beaucoup peindre quand j'etais plus jeune, mais je ne sais pas ce qui s'est passe, des que j'ai decouvert la photographie, je n'ai plus pu peindre du tout... mais j'adore le pictorialisme, j'ai recemment vu une exposition de photographie tcheque et je suis tombee amoureuse de Frantisek Drtikol.

  20. dear mansuetude, i thank you for every one of your precious visits here, and for every one of your precious words...

    sometimes i think that this 'awakening' is everything that matters, if we can keep that alive...

  21. There is something about lilac that makes me imagine it in a vase in my (late) grandmother's flat or her grandmother's or hers. Love the way you let yourself fall into another time/world with your story, and what a beguiling little wide world it is.

  22. you know, Marjojo, judging from what i hear from different people (after i posted this, i mean) - i am gradually reaching the conclusion that lilac is related to childhood for just about everyone of us - and now the big question is why. it's interesting, no? i thank you so much for your warm words...

  23. Eneles:

    ps. thank you. but why would you listen to les feuilles mortes? spring has barely ended...

  24. no particular reason, but it resonates nicely