Tuesday, 25 December 2012

after christmas eve

i woke up in the middle of the night and, unable to go back to sleep, i went into the living room. after candles had been lit, presents exchanged and candidly opened, wishes made, laughter heard, candles blown out, doors shut behind, everything lay now before me, left to itself, in the quietness of another life, unseen, unknown.

this is what the christmas tree - what everything - looks like when photographed in the dark, camera held tight against my chest - our real nature revealed: light.

under the tree, there lay the puzzle we had completed together, before going to bed. i could have thought of some symbolic meaning, the setting was right for such deep, important visions. yet all i could think of was how beautifully the world glimmered in the dark, and how dangerously frail its unsteady contours appeared - dream-like.

there i found her shoes, too. she had insisted to wear these ones, fond as she was of the little white stars on the straps. you cannot see the stars now - but this is how it always is with stars, perhaps. they are never to be seen, only to be imagined, especially at night.

these are the rail tracks of a train which never stops running, even when bridges between here and there have broken down. 

later, when she finds out that all trains eventually stop, she will hopefully have a friend to sing for her: When darkness comes / And pain is all around / Like a bridge over troubled water / I will lay me down / Sail on, silvergirl / Sail on by / I’m sailing right behind / Like a bridge over troubled water / I will ease your mind / Like a bridge over troubled water / I will ease your mind.

for now, she and her best friend chilly willy are still unaware of the big, important task which lies before them (and at which they will fail, i know. i would like to believe, as some say, that failing is part of the music, but here - i honestly don't know). 

things have been falling apart, recently, and how quickly. and now, i wonder at how still and poised they are, peaceful, unto themselves, unaware of grace and falling, all these things that we don't know how to look at. 

you called me the other day and told me that my voice - you had always said about my voice that it had "the sound of bells", and i would always laugh about such silliness - puts you at peace with the world.

i remember how, every time emily left, bagpuss and all the others would wake up. yet here, things hadn't come to life, they were motionless and quiet, as they always were. 

still, among them, in the dark of the night, some stir of life, slight as the drifting of a curtain, came into being. perhaps it was i, and not things, that was coming to life, unawares. 


  1. Merry Christmas to you all...

    (and thank you, again and again, for being here)

  2. We must not let the ringing silver bell of starlit hope be extinguished, especially in the darkest times. It is all that we have to guide us through the pain of coming alive...again. And yet, letting go of hope, and finding light within this very moment may be the truer guiding star.

  3. once more my beautiful friend merry christmas
    well it is exactlydecember 25th here.
    what a breathtakingly beautiful post.
    yes the profound beauty is found in the failure the deep mystery that can be beheld but not unraveled.

    I will return to this charmed post. right now I have a couple more christmas trees to photograph before the midnight hour. smiles and chuckles filled with magic.

    joy and peace my beautiful friend on this sacred day.

  4. merry christmas to you, Roxana.
    thank you, much love

  5. Roxana je te souhaite un joyeux noël , une bonne et heureux année 2013 et famille, que cette année apporte une belle énergie et prospérités… Alain

  6. I loved the stillness in these reflections, and the sweetness...

  7. what can i say? what can anyone say? the words are mere shadows to what your hands do in the light. i ache but this tells me i am alive. i ache more and i know that this presses me toward the other side. this is what you do to me. this is what you do to all of us. you refuse to lie.

    such light to you over the holidays.

    i laugh - christmas eve i stood in the living room and took photographs, not of the tree, not of the stockings, but of the light against the wall. beside the things the real things reveal their heartbeats.)))


  8. oh, empfinde ich nur so oder herrscht eine drückende stimmung auf deinem wege in der nacht..?! so sollte es doch nicht sein an diesem heiligen christlichen tage, und lasse die gedanken ziehen auf dass ein licht dich hält, in der nacht...!
    ich grüsse dich mit einem lächeln, liebe freundin!

  9. ach, ich hätte doch fast vergessen zu sagen, dass deine bilder einmalig, so ganz roxana :-), sind..!

  10. Je t'embrasse fort fort Douce Amie..
    Merci pour tes mots qui m'ont touché ,pour ta présence qui toujours m'honore..
    Et surtout merci du fond du cœur de partager ici ton Art ,de nous offrir ce regard unique qui n'appartient qu'a toi ,un monde ou chaque émotion est poésie..poignante ou douloureuse , dans l'ombre ou la lumière , dans la douceur ,la joie des choses simples ,la beauté ,chacune de tes intentions est toujours poésie..:)..Et chacune de tes publications me ramène toujours a ce quelque chose d'essentiel , qui me touche , qui m'inspire ,me nourrit , de quelque chose de différent..:)

    Je te souhaite ainsi qu'a ton Enfant-Fleur une douce et lumineuse année a venir...que le vent de la création continue de souffler sur ce merveilleux Pont au milieu des étoiles..:) et que tout se passe bien pour toi et ceux que tu aimes..
    Tendresses et amitiés Roxana..♥

  11. "Everything we see falls apart, vanishes. Nature is always the same, but nothing in her that appears to us, lasts. Our art must render the thrill of her permanence along with her elements, the appearance of all her changes. It must give us the taste of her eternity." (Paul Cezanne)

  12. I am in awe. Such power, frailty, and more than anything beauty in this post. I have missed so much.

    Your voice sounds like crystal bells...

  13. being that i'm doing the journey thing at the moment, i'm loving this!

  14. The other face of Christmas, as seen from a mouse in semidarkness, amid the detritus of shiny paper and unbreakable traditions--only you (and other mice, presumably) could see the world in such a way!

  15. Roxana, you fill our lives with mysterious light. Please never stop. I am profoundly full of joy that a floating bridge led me to a place where we can see your dreams. Your dreams. Your magical dreams.

  16. a silent bow, to all of you...

  17. my beautiful friend thankyou once more for this powerful christmas magic.you've created the same kind of magic that E.T.A Hoffman has created in the famously celebrated "Nutcracker" as for example in fritz and marie's livingroom in chapter4of wonderful events after the mother had put out the candles, as your candles have been extinguished(the candles of your conscious mind I might add. smiles) then marie looks up to the big old pointed owl on top of the grandfather clock and sees that a transformation has occured-the big old pointed owl on the clock that had drooped its wings so that it covered the whole of the clock-well he was transformed to godpapap drosselmeier on topof the clock his yellow coat hangingdown on both sides like wings.
    well this is the kind of transformative power that your powerful words take on.

    (I will continue with this comment in the next commen...

  18. how I can thrill over this presentation. how I love to photograph christmas trees and lights with a high degree of abstraction every year.the pathways line my soul with roadways that I can travel all year.

    I worship the golden glow of your tree,it expells any disbelief thatI may haveand you put it so beautifully-"our real nature is revealed in light."

    and you said,"how beautifully the world glimmered in the dark,how dangerously frail it sunsteady contours appeared-dreamlike" how powerfully transformative thesewords are.they are the construction of the dream fabric.
    as I have often found in life and in doing art how surprisingly the puzzle fits together as if powered by a divine will.

    the concrete metaphor of the puzzle of the world that you photographed takes on a fluid nature to flow through the scintillating silver of our minds and the universe.
    I write novels for chidren and ages up and I always appreciate the powerful writing of christmas at christmas season.You have inspired me to turn to one of my christmas writings, you a dear friend, that has described our voices ringing like bells through our lives to announce the joy of just being alive and counting every sacred ray of breathlight and yet the unimagined stars of our psyche.

    sending you seasonal coloured snow kisses.and wishing you much joy and well being.

  19. cred ca este una dintre postarile mele favorite;acum,in aceasta noapte,mi-am facut o liniste speciala pentru ea,pentru a simti cat mai bine fiecare moment al acelei nopti si toate cuvintele ,iluminand intunericul,si irizatiile acelea atat de vagi,din vise,si mi s-a parut incredibil cum se amesteca fiecare suvita de gand cu cate un obiect si cum devine el cel mai important,apoi e brusc inghitit;si cum esti,din nou imi vine sa spun asta,in vis si cineva spune cuvinte-poeme,iar eu caut acea voce ,desi o cunosc atat de bine,dar ma uit,ca in vis,iar urmele pasilor pe unde am cautat s-au sters-si as vrea ca incantatia ei sa nu se termine niciodata,pana o voi gasi.